|
|
|
November 18th, 2009
11:53 pm - travels
I HAVE BOOKED MY FLIGHTS:
January 17th istanbul - amsterdam
February 1st amsterdam - istanbul
now all I have to do is stop being excited, write a thesis, pass about 9 classes and update more often!
|
November 14th, 2009
06:46 pm - swine flu
my cousin's son has got the swine flu. its getting more scary as its getting closer. 60 people have died in Turkey so far.
|
October 17th, 2009
02:31 am - www.tennisband.dk
it is suprising, all the things that can happen in life. for example, my friend went to Århus for a conference, in which she presented a paper and met this Danish PhD student. that same Danish student was heading to Istanbul for 48 hours because his band (tennis band) was playing there for a promotion party of a musical movie (by the biggest TV/media network i might say) and he invited my friend for the show.
so my friend and i went there, not knowing what to expect. one thing we knew was that the band would play 80s-90s pop songs, so nothing would go wrong with that. however, when we arrived at this posh place there were cameras directed at us; by pure chance we got into an event with Istanbul-elite! seriously, i had never seen that many rich people before! and so many people i see on TV! i felt as if i was from another planet, everything i had achieved until that point seemed so minor and i actually wanted to reduce into a dot and disappear. YET when the band started to play i realised there was at least one thing familiar there (the music) which was the medium that made me stay and oh i'm so glad i did. i got to eat, drink and see things. i don't think i'll ever be able to live something similar again. it was such a different experience, those people. they look alike, eat alike, drink alike. everything is their plaything. there were cameras, a Russian (acrobat/dancer/sexy) woman who dangled from the ceiling making a sexy dance, TENNIS BAND which they brought all the way from Denmark (and they said the group was from Copenhagen, for Arhus would be something minor). there were people giving away all this free stuff but they would not be bothered (for they could afford everything ) and when they were bothered, their attention span were pretty short; like there were these glowsticks which they held for approximately 3 minutes before throwing them on floor.
"you are all like Louis Vuitton bags that i can't afford" i thought. and they said they were (via their gestures).
the dancer on the ceiling:
TENNIS BAND: tennis band is so cute. they wear tennis clothes and they do warm ups in the audience. they are super funky, a sure way to make people sing and dance. TAK and see you again in future!
|
September 22nd, 2009
04:02 pm - new haircut
( NEW HAIRCUT HERE )
i actually wanted something a lot shorter, like my mad men self ( mad men self )
anyway the strange hairdresser wouldn't cut my hair short because he thought my hair was pretty as it was. seriously, he didn't want to cut my hair?! WHATEVER. i persuaded him and yet still he didn't cut it as short as i wanted it to be. it was really strange...
|
September 18th, 2009
12:28 am - blah, rant
i really really really really really hate it when people go incommunicado. you see i write messages and this person won't reply. and its so voluntary, seeing the same person goes online. is it so difficult to write things? i don't know. i wish this very person would tell me that a correspondance with me is not needed, not wanted... i would be relieved. right now i feel clingy, something to be avoided, petty, unwanted.
sigh i'm gonna smoke a cigarette or a dozen over it.
|
September 1st, 2009
10:00 pm - class-shopping
its that time of year when i have to choose classes. as usual, i'm going to overload myself with classes i WANT to take on top of those i NEED to take. i haven't decided for certain what classes i'm going for, though i have a rough idea.
ps, my department is offering a class called Opera Appreciation AND I FIND IT SO INTERESTING..
classes i need to take:
research & writing (a thesis class!)
translation
literary criticism
i hope to choose maximum 3 (hopefully less) of these sidedish classes :
southern american fiction (this one should be very interesting, albeit with quota restrictions...)
opera appreciation (OMG)
western painting in 20th century
contemporary art
the city (a sociology course that sounds really cool)
ceramics (for my fine arts certificate)
|
August 30th, 2009
04:58 am - mad girl's love song recast
Once upon a time lived a girl who tried too hard to be loved. She unfolded her heart to whomever she loved, hoping that he would take it and hold it dear. Then she would feel safe, the two would bond over the net called love and this would save her, for the girl always felt unloved. She felt as blank as, as delicate as a glass ornament; so ready to fall into pieces once dropped.
So she would try, each time her heart would be wrung. It would feel so heavy and she would be in such pain that she would swear that she would never let her heart unfold.
Then the moon would sing, a bird would peck her toe, flowers would turn blue and another "he" would appear, like magic. She would take all of these as good omens, he would take a look at her. So ready to shatter, oh so suitable; a plaything until the inavoidable accident where she'd slip from his hands and break. So sad. He would think all these things and would smile, she would melt. Unfolded, she would end the same.
|
August 22nd, 2009
01:36 am - the darling
For a long time I've wondered if I could find myself narrated in a book. I knew that if I could, I would be in Chekhov. A medicore, everyday character doomed for a monotone life; that I would be. Olga Semyonovna is so, from Chekhov's short story called “The Darling”. She is the darling, “a young woman whose life takes on meaning only in relation to the men to whom she attaches herself”. I think I might be her, perhaps I am her. I have spent most of my time trying to be loved, of adopting certain traits of the targetted, assumed lover that my life took meaning on this pursuit. I have tried to avoid (real or imagined) abandonment, too. I am as well a darling if not The Darling. My life is so medicore, I am so lacking momentum, its going to be so monotone.
I have to wrap my head around this and learn my way out. I have to accept that people I like might not like me as much. They may pretend to, but they just don't. I have to learn this or else I'm going to get lost in this pursuit.
Maybe I'm not her, maybe all of this is imagined, maybe I'm heart broken, maybe I'm half crazy; how will I ever know?
Current Location: home
|
August 11th, 2009
10:19 pm - holiday, aegean
i'm on holiday with my parents by the aegean. from my window i can see the greek island lesbos (10 kilometers from here!) and everything is about hills and great sea. i actually need/like this holiday and i'm happy to be here.
blah, i really don't like things i wrote in this blog around 2005-2006, i feel so medicore even reading them. i wish i had this en-masse tool so that i could make them all private or friends-only. i feel so embarassed that they exist, at the same time i can't quite get a new journal because i feel some strange kind of satisfaction of having hold onto something for so long (aka this journal).
oh and, i have lost the summer (school) love of mine and i am sad.
Current Location: Turkey, Achyraus
|
July 25th, 2009
02:23 am - movie weekend
since me and my friend both have the membership for the biggest film archive in the country, we decided "why don't we just watch movies like, all the time?". we have watched about six movies already (including one of my favorites, Black Cat White Cat by a Serbian director called Emir Kusturica; and lots of Tom Hanks movies since my friend decided to be a fan ). for the weekend we have:
Even Cowgirls get the Blues - Gus Van Sant (ridiculously low rated at IMDB).
Le Fate Ignorante (Cahil Periler) - Ferzan Özpetek
(boy, I love Ferzan Özpetek. he is a Turkish director based in Rome, Italy. I especially like his movie "the Facing Windows").
Time of Gypsies - Emir Kusturica (i watched this once, so good)
Do you remember Dolly Bell? - Emir Kusturica
Life is a Miracle - Emir Kusturica
oh well. tomorrow is going to be the hottest day of year they say. so its better to watch movies non stop.
hence, recommend me some movies please.
Current Location: 208
|
July 16th, 2009
09:59 pm - helllooo another paper
i had a paper due yesterday and i was going to write it until the point that i realized i had to go to a friend's birthday party to have a few drinks. so i did that and came back to my room at 1am, wrote the paper until 4am. accomplished. i have a paper due in two hours and although i have spent the day trying to bring myself to write it, i couldn't. now i need to work at full capacity because i've got, well, only two hours.
but it got me thinking.
what was i thinking when i took this senior philosophy course that i hadn't even needed? like, aren't i the same person who almost failed philosophy 101 two years ago?
now i need to write about free standing liberalism and capabilities approach and how it undermines the idea of feminism while trying to establish gender equality.
however, instead of concentrating on this one sentence i wrote above, i read about all commercial plane crashes that happened in world history... not useful, right? at least i discovered that there was a crash the day i was born:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pacific_Southwest_Airlines_Flight_1771
yep, random.
Current Location: 208
|
July 12th, 2009
07:19 pm - where have i been?
Dear journal,
sorry to say that I haven't written for a very long while. Here is an update on what has been happening in/with my life recently. Evidently, last time I updated I had a farmer's tan and I was very displeased with it – well I still got the same tan and am still displeased. Other than that I did a small Turkey trip, which was again all the touristic places plus a VERY touristic sea town called Kuşadası that's on the west shore, and is the beginning of what we call the tourist infested route. Seriously, it was full of British tourists whose only desire was to get tanned or get laid or perhaps both. So they were in those various shades of pink due to sunburn, but that's one step before getting tanned so I guess its good for them. Also, the nightlife consisted of them being intoxicated, making out with the staff at bars... I saw 12-13 year olds doing this, which made me lose respect for Britain and the way its people do things, but thats nothing new, is it?
Also, during the whole trip my friend Sharmila got harassed due to her skin color and prettiness (she's an Indian/Sri Lankan mix ethnicly and is a pretty Singaporean) . I can't believe a country whose main income is from tourism would treat its tourists so bad.
Came to realise that Turkish men are perverts, I hope I will be proven wrong very soon. You see, all the men I know are just FINE but those out on the street (especially Istanbul), they are just strange. They like to get verbal and its not pretty like Italians do, its just .. ... pervy.
So I saw those places: Istanbul>Bursa>Cappadocia>Pamukkale/Hierapolis>Ephesus>Kuşadası>Istanbul
back in Istanbul I had to sort out a bunch of stuff like moving out of my dorm into another one, registering for summer school (with which there are a lot of problems, still unresolved but I don't want to write about this). I also did the graduation walk and prom, which was SO stressing.
I have been in summerschool for two weeks now, taking a philosophy class called “Global Justice”, my teacher is from Kansas and he looks like beaver and I don't understand his accent. There's one Dutch boy in that class. I am also kind of registred for another class called “American Government” (my registration is kinda problematic with this one) in which I had to make a new budget for the US, something I was totally unprepared for (but it went well).
Right now I am in the ferry to Istanbul (I was home for the weekend). Mom bought me three chicks, so now I have five chicks in total and one rooster and one chicken. I love my clan. Too bad they are home and I only get to see them every two weeks. Chicks get pretty big in two weeks and then they kinda stay the same.
Signing off now,
Feyza
(lots of pictures will follow this post)
Current Location: 208
|
July 1st, 2009
01:27 am - fortune teller
I had my fortune told out of a coffee cup today (traditionally Turkish) – the woman knew/guessed lots of true things about me (as well as for two of my friends); like how I felt in love with only one person in my life and that I became very picky afterwards, thus can't find anyone that lives up to my expectations that are set after this break up. She also told me things I knew that were true but didn't want confirmed right in front of my friends; how come is this possible?
Current Location: 208
|
June 11th, 2009
02:25 am - i am under pressure
there's still so much that needs to be put into words.. i'm stuck! other than that, i will be FREE June 15th onwards, backpacking Turkey with my favorite Australian and Singaporean girl. so exciting!
*cue duelling banjos*
here are some highlights of my life:- getting so drunk in the campus, caressing a stray dog's face and singing to it at the same time.
- picking up the biggest/best looking room in the whole dorm for next year.
- being finished with all my final exams.
- freaking over my thesis (but that's old news).
Current Location: 407
|
June 3rd, 2009
01:37 am - a break from schoolwork
I still have got two more exams and a thesis expecting to be written and this update is pretty much to say that I haven't vanished into thin air as of yet. After these exams, Sharmila and Jess are heading over to Turkey, both of whom I met while I was an exchange in Holland and we're going to do some traveling together and its going to be so much fun. and that's only in 12 days. on one hand, I just can't wait but there's so much schoolwork to deal with.
did I say I'm very very very possibly failing a class? now you know. and ironically, I'm doing the graduation walk, prom and everything although there's one more semester I have to study due to the fact that no class I took in Tilburg Uni. got accredited here. so, now, all my friends are graduating and off to their own adventures. I'm here, failing a class too.
sharing this strip that somehow only makes sense to me:
Current Location: 407
|
May 24th, 2009
02:59 am - thesis #1
OK, I asked for this. I haven't done any work all semester and now I have to write 40 pages for my thesis in a ridiculously short period (a week at most). or else I'm failing the class. its simple as that. still, I can't bring myself to write anything, how come I became this lazy? not desirious of anything? I should totally be sleeping now instead of typing this so I can have some energy for making a progress tomorrow..
I will be so happy when I'm done with this thesis, if I can ever be ...
ps. all of my friends are graduating and I am sad. me being sad is old news.
Current Location: 407
Current Music: keane - we might as well be strangers
|
May 9th, 2009
02:19 am - flu
i have had the flu ever since i came back from the netherlands. i have taken antibiotics and stuff but it didn't go away, i'm in fact feeling a lot worse. so i saw a doctor today who refused to see me without a mask for i was abroad and that meant a risk.. she didn't run any bloodtests or such but prescribed a lot of pills and if they don't make me any better i will in fact have to test for swine flu. this is so boring.
|
April 23rd, 2009
10:50 pm - on turning ten/ billy collins
...
This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.
It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.
|
April 18th, 2009
05:09 pm
i'm in fact very impressed about the wi-fi services on intercity buses, i believe this will make my bus rides from istanbul to bursa less boring, if not more enjoyable. i haven't updated for a freaky while, but i'm so busy!!! especially with my thesis. i'm writing about f.scott fitzgerald and the tragic sense of life in his novels.... which inevitably rubs onto me, i feel so bland at the moment. and its not like the thesis is progressing, for it needs to be forty pages and i'm two pages ahead. i've got only three weeks to write 38 pages and i am very very afraid of failing.
and oh, i'm going to holland for 9 days on monday only and only because its my escape plan. there i said it. i'll be in tilburg ALL THE TIME and i'll try to keep myself in the library because this thesis is freaking me out.
another thing is that now that i'm taking literary criticism i've moved up to foucault, barthes, bakthtin and all these lovelies from mellow literature and that used to be difficult at the beginning but now i'm enjoying it muchly!!
for an art class i had to do a performance whose audience did not know about the fact that i was performing something. so i went to these public cardio machines that seem to be getting more and more popular in turkey, and ate while exercising. the audience was lower middle class turkish people and thought i was very strange. my classmates thought i was trying to give a message on consumerism, fast food and even emperialism but i wasn't.
( performance )
|
April 11th, 2009
07:51 pm
this journal is mia
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
floppydisco's journal